Because I don't want to
I could write a review, but I don’t want to.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest opened with a three-day total of 132 Million dollars. Not a holiday weekend. Not something with 50 years of fandom behind it. The biggest opening of all time, for a sequel to what might be dismissed as an adaptation to some silly park ride.
And yet none of you really deserve it. Countless reviews and comments, derision for uninspired performances, outright hatred for complicated and supposedly confusing plot elements. Because no one has ever ended a movie in a cliffhanger before. No, no I say! If all you’re going to do is whine about dynamic and pensive characters in the midst of believable existential crisis and well executed thematic history lessons, if you’re going to berate the comedy, the fun and meaningful action sequences couple with gorgeous and mindbendingly difficult cinematography then you most certainly don’t deserve it. And I’m not going to try and convince you otherwise.
POTC: Dead Man’s Chest doesn’t need any buzz from me, and I highly doubt it will at any point. It’s on track to take it all, and I would be happy for Ted and Terry, Gore, Jerry and Johnny and everyone if it does. The quality and craft put into this series of films warrants it. And if you don’t get it, well then I’m sure there’s a Uwe Boll fillm you can watch somewhere.